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The Family of Adoption: Completely Revised and Updated, by Joyce Maguire Pavao
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Full of wonderful stories that give insight into a wide variety of adoption issues, now revised in light of recent developments, The Family of Adoption is a powerful argument for the right kind of openness in adoption. Joyce Maguire Pavao uses her thirty years of experience as a family and adoption therapist to explain to adoptive parents, birthparents, adult adopted people, and extended family, as well as to those who work with children professionally the developmental stages and challenges one can expect in the life of the adopted person.
The Family of Adoption is truly the most insightful and healing book on the adoption shelf.
- Sales Rank: #312514 in Books
- Published on: 2005-02-20
- Released on: 2005-02-20
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .50" w x 6.03" l, .55 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 160 pages
Amazon.com Review
Joyce Maguire Pavao dedicates her book The Family of Adoption in part to her two mothers, who died two weeks apart. "They both died of secrecy," she writes. "One could no longer talk, silenced by her disease. One could no longer think or remember.... I love and cherish what each of my mothers endured and imparted.... I refuse to have secrets and I work to change a system that perpetrates them."
Pavao is a nationally known family and adoption therapist who works with adoptive children and their families. Her authority and insight come from her combined experience both as a professional therapist and as an adopted child. In The Family of Adoption, Pavao describes the grief processes, dilemmas, and potentials for healing of birth mothers and adoptive parents. A strong advocate for adopted children, she discusses the difference between secrecy and privacy--a crucial distinction in adoption--and lends a strong voice to the movement for openness. Pavao is the first specialist to clearly identify and demonstrate predictable, understandable developmental stages and challenges for every adoptee (pointing out, for example, that adopted children tend to daydream, and may have a more challenging adolescence), and elucidates patterns that adoptive parents may witness as their children grow.
As adoption becomes more discussed and less taboo, the emotional road maps become clearer for adoptive families, birth mothers, and children of adoption. The Family of Adoption is a gentle, essential addition to the literature that will help guide families of adoption along the path. --Ericka Lutz
From Publishers Weekly
A commitment to placing the best interests of the child first informs every page of this excellent study of the complex psychological and social dynamics of adoptive families. Pavao, an adoption therapist and the executive director of the Center for Family Connections in Cambridge, Mass., was herself adopted as an infant. She believes strongly in the necessity of pre- and post-adoptive counseling for both birth and adoptive parents, although she acknowledges that there is a serious lack of trained professionals for this purpose. According to the author, such counseling is essential if adoptive parents are to understand and be able to work with their child through the developmental stages common to adoptees, such as feelings of loss, school problems and a desire to learn about their past. Pavao's analysis is comprehensive, and she considers all types of adoption, including transracial, special needs, international and foster care. Drawing on adoption stories culled from her practice, she shows how the adopted child, birth parents, adoptive parents, as well as other family members benefit from such contact and openness. She is convinced that those who are adopted have a right to learn as much as possible about their past and suggests, for example, that international adoptees be allowed to visit their country of origin to better understand their roots. Adoption, Pavao writes, "is not about finding children for families, but about finding families for children."
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
We've long needed a book like Pavao's, which looks at adoption as an idea and a process . . . I recommend it to all readers who are affected by adoption, and isn't that all of us? --Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other
"A commitment to placing the best interests of the child first informs every page of this excellent study of the complex psychological and social dynamics of adoptive families." --Publishers Weekly
"[An] insightful, informative, and at times very moving look at adoption from all sides . . . What makes this book so helpful for anyone involved in the adoption process is the author's obvious respect for all parties, including parents, extended families, and even teachers, judges, and social workers. Instead of putting people off, [Pavao] encourages them to find new ways to empathize and cooperate, keeping the child's best interest at the forefront." --Diane Daniel, Boston Globe
"This very candid, honest book takes a look at infertility and the ambiguity of adoption that is often merely alluded to in other adoption publications . . . This book is a gift to anyone involved in adoption. Get it and read it more than once." --Chosen Family Magazine
Most helpful customer reviews
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
a powerful little book for EVERYONE concerned with adoption
By A. Schauer
This extraordinary little book, with its carefully chosen anecdotes and clear, direct message, is the best book available about adoption and being adopted. It changed the structure of life in my family, and I give it to family members, teachers of my adopted children, and anyone else who is looking for clarity in the complex world of adoption. When you finish reading you will understand loss in adoption, you will understand what Dr. Pavao means by the "Family of Adoption", you will know how to listen better to your adopted children so that you can really hear what they are telling you, and you will be a better parent, teacher, grandparent, or friend. Buy this book and treasure it! I have read almost all adoption books published in the last ten years in the USA, and this is without question a beautiful, powerful and poignant work, and one of the best.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Understanding Adoption
By Smiley Mom
This is a MUST READ for truly understanding adoption from the adoptee's perspective.
I highly recommend this book as it provides so many insightful examples and firsthand stories of how to help love and nuture your adopted child with knowledge of themselves and their birth family. It helps put the child first.
Conventional wisdom of closed adoptions needs to be challenged. How can a person live a rich, full, and productive life with so many unanswered questions?
Let your child be the connection between two families (birth & adoptive), and honor who they are.
3 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Informative book, somewhat negative tone
By Gillian Cooper
I may disagree slightly with other reviewers of this book, but as a pre-adoptive parent, this book has been slightly difficult for me to read. I understand that looking at all aspects of adoption is important, but I frequently felt like I was getting the message from this book that adoption will cause long-term unresolved issues in every single adoptee. Perhaps the viewpoint I'm aluding to is simply that Dr. Pavao's work is with children who have been troubled in some manner via their adoption, but in all honesty, I have felt somewhat discouraged after the reading of this book.
That being said, I think this book would still be a good choice to read as a pre-adoptive parent, but would balance it out with other books. Also, for those looking for a book on the "process" of adoption, this would not be a good choice.
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